


Nukume Dori - Change

by Leareth



Series: Nukume Dori [1]
Category: CLAMP - Works, Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Drama & Romance, Epic, Gen, M/M, Time Travel Fix-It, Tokyo (City)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1956516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leareth/pseuds/Leareth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last one standing on the Final Day makes a Wish. Subaru wakes to find Hokuto and Seishirou living as they always have, and that the end is just the beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Do you like sakura?"

The child bobs his head up and down enthusiastically, emerald eyes wide with innocence. "Mm!"

 

_I know this dream._

 

Darkness. An infinite starless night completely encompassing as far as the eye can see. Featureless, except for one, glorious tree, and the two figures below its branches. In this timeless universe, there is no one else but the young child and the dark youth who is stranger and yet not a stranger.

 

_Why am I dreaming this again?_

 

A delicate blossom floats down, petals soft like silk, a perfect falling star of palest pink. It doesn’t disappear into darkness, rather, it is caught in one, strong hand. The fingers lovingly enclose the flower lying on the palm. Perhaps he will release it and let it fall or maybe he will crush it. The choice is his alone.

"Do you know why the flowers are pink?"

 

_Yes._

 

The child, a beautiful little cherub all in white, shakes his head. The stranger smiles, amused and cold. Completely devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

"It’s because ..."

 

_Blood ..._

 

"... the sakura feeds on the blood of the corpses ..."

 

_Nee-chan ..._

 

"... buried beneath its roots."

 

_Her blood._

 

Tears. The liquid green eyes ripple and shine, as if the roots of the tree are slowly drawing the crimson life away to nourish the flowers above with the child’s angelic purity.

"But don’t the people under the tree feel any pain?"

 

_No._

 

A flash of startlement flickers over the youth’s face like a star trailing across the dark night sky, and just as quickly disappears to be replaced by a strangely intense smile. He kneels down on one knee to see the child face to face.

"I’ll make a bet with you ..."

 

_Pain is only for the living ..._

 

Touch. The known stranger takes the child’s tiny, clean hands in his own strong ones and raises each of them to his lips. A silvery light begins to emanate from the back of the child’s palms, perhaps fed by the crimson river flowing beneath it, bathing the youth’s smiling face in a cold glow.

 

_... but then why do I still hurt?_

 

The woman screams, a scream of grief, desperation and madness, the knife in her hand glinting savagely. She lunges at him, poised to take his life to save a life. And since it will make her happy, he closes his eyes, waiting for the blow.

Time stops. The blood seems frozen as it spills through the air.

A pair of glasses falls and hits the floor with a single, crystalline sound, the right lens shattered ... 

_Seishirou-san?!_

... like the heart of the boy afraid he has lost his companion forever.

 

_Is it pain of the body?_

 

Blood drips onto the carpet of sakura beneath the glorious tree, first in random droplets, then quickly increasing to a steady stream, a slowly growing pool staining the flowers under a pair of glossy black shoes. Then it rains down as the man gently removes his hand from the girl’s chest, the pure white robes red with her own life. She falls, senses already dulled to the pain, eyes blind to the expressionless mask of the one who killed her, ears deaf to the faint cry of her name from a loved one so close and yet so far away.

 

_Or pain of the heart?_

 

Darkness, not of night, but of spirit. He forces himself to dive further into the darkness, to find somewhere in the abyss the scared and despairing boy upon who all their hopes depend, whose pain and suffering is so heart-breakingly similar to his own.

 

_Am I dreaming?_

 

"For the sake of that one wish ... come back."

 

_How can I be dreaming ..._

 

Fire, turning the sky a hellish red and black. Slow purposeful steps towards the lone figure on the rooftop, white robes billowing about him. The other does not turn to at his approach – there is no need to. This confrontation was inevitable. Another step, and another, until he stops to stand less than three paces away. For one long moment they remain like that, indifferent to the sounds and scenes of destruction around them on the Final Day.

Finally the other turns, black coat flaring in the smoky wind, the flames reflected in the dark mirror of his sunglasses.

"So." His voice is calm, as if taking a walk in the park. "This is how it ends."

No answer.

"Any regrets?"

A moment of tense silence, as if the other is unsure if he is capable of speech at a time like this, the end of time for them.

Then quietly, "How could I not have any."

A slight smile. "Of course."

"What about you?"

He gives his opposite a look of mild curiosity. Somewhere nearby, fires are burning.

"What do you mean?"

"After seventeen years, Seishirou-san, can you still say that you cannot differentiate me from a glass? Can you still say that you feel nothing?"

"For you?"

The slightest hesitation. "Yes."

He laughs softly, paying no attention to the escalating destruction surrounding. They’ll be dead before it can reach them.

"You’re always so cute, Subaru-kun."

No response. The younger man waits patiently for the answer, not even sure if he wants to hear it or not. But he will.

The pleasant mask acquires a thoughtful expression. No more reasons to play or lie anymore. "I’m ... disappointed that our game has to end. It was one of the few interesting things in my life."

"And me?"

The congenial expression turns cold, and yet strangely intense.

"For you ... it is what a child feels for a favorite toy he cannot live without."

Something dark flashes in the emerald eye, just for a second, before vanishing. It brings an appreciative sigh from the one who caused it. Watch how the pain hurts, if it cannot be experienced.

A faint sound of clashing swords rings through the air.

Then unexpectedly, a smile appears on the finely-boned face, a sad one, but a smile nonetheless, like the weak shaft of sunlight breaking through the grey clouds above.

He takes one step closer.

"You answered the question."

Freeze. The single split second in time when one throws oneself off a cliff and hangs weightless almost achieving flight ... then falls. He removes the dark sunglasses and deliberately puts it in his pocket. Stares for one endless moment with one eye of liquid gold and the other cloudy white.

Then he blinks and straightens, gazing down at the figure so close to him. Smiles. Pointless to deny it when all will end so soon.

"I suppose I did."

One more step. No more time at the end of time.

Then ... touch.

Fires burning, all around. No way out, even if they wanted to.

"Shall we end this?" he whispers to the figure trapped in his arms.

A soft sigh caresses his neck. This was foreordained. 

"Yes."

 

_How can I be dreaming when I am dead?_

 

* * *

 

A hand touched one heart and the heart wept blood. The other heart was touched by a white dove’s purity. It also wept blood.

A droplet of liquid light suspended in the air falling, falling ...

One wish.

_I wish that everyone could have been happy._


	2. Déjà vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You-you're alive."
> 
> "Of course I'm alive!" Hokuto pulled away slightly so that she could look into his face. "You must have had one hell of a bad dream."

Silence, the utter stillness of a subterranean lake. Complete darkness, frozen in time. Then …

Something fell.

 

* * *

_♪… Unmei nante shinjinai …♫_

With a strangled cry Subaru snapped back into awareness. He thrashed about under the bedcovers, entangling himself further until he somehow ripped the suffocating net away and sat bolt upright with one hand clutching at his heart. _Wh-what happened? Where am—?_

_♪… Kimi wo shinjitai no sa …♫_

Utterly disorientated, Subaru looked around trying to work out just where he was. A large room. No place he knew, certainly no place he expected to be. _What is – how did I—_

_♪… Kimi ni wa fushigi na miryoku ga aru …♫_

He didn't know. He couldn't remember. Subaru fought down a rising surge of panic – something was wrong, very wrong, he didn't know what, he just knew. His senses were overloaded with information; Subaru shut almost painfully dilated eyes to block out the too-bright and too-sharp images assailing him. The air felt deathly cold on his burning skin which was too tight and restrictive on his skeleton. And sound—

_♪… Itsuka, dokoka de mita ki ga suru …♫_

—the noise was deafening, thumping in his brain out of synch with his pulse … Subaru desperately clapped his hands over his ears to drown it out without success—

_♪… Kimi no sugata ga kokoro wo urozuite …♫_

—his _gloved hands_ , he suddenly realised.

_♪… Boku wo toriko ni suru …♫_

With gritted teeth Subaru opened his eyes and removed his palms from his ears, wincing at the noise and glaring light. For a long moment he stared at his hands enclosed in soft barriers of black cloth.

Since when did he start wearing gloves to sleep again?

_♪… Ah, eien nante hitsuyou nai kedo …♫_

And his pajamas – Subaru didn't own a pair of polka-dot pajamas; he hadn't worn such things since Hokuto died.

_♪… Omoide ni kimi wo tojikometakunai …♫_

It was then that he looked – really looked, at his surroundings.

_♪… Maboroshi nante aisenai …♫_

The room he found himself in was sparsely furnished and yet lavish in its emptiness. Floor-length curtains flowed down from the ceiling before a glass door beyond which could be seen the outlines of a balcony. A trio of pot plants sat on the wooden floor, their leaves a dull green in the dim light. A tall lamp stood behind the large bed he was lying in, and there was a low table off to one side behind his head. On the table was a black clock radio reading 7:00 on its digital face. It was from this that the noise – music, Subaru realised now that the volume had somehow died down to tolerable levels, was coming from.

_♪… Kimi wo dakishimetai no sa …♫_

He stared at the glowing red numbers. There was something odd about the image – it seemed too full, too sharp and brighter than what he had become used to. More than that, but, the room he was in was disturbing in that it seemed strangely familiar, and yet it was that very familiarity which was frightening.

It _couldn't_ be …

_♪… Ah, eien nante sasagerarenai kedo …♫_

Subaru's already pounding heart skipped a beat. _Why does this look like my room in Shinjuku?_

_♪… Zutto kono te wo hanashi wa shinai …♫_

The panic he had tried to quell rose again like a tidal wave and swept him under. Too many things were strange, too many things didn't add up, and there were too many gaps in his memory. _This can't – what is … how—_

Edging into hysteria Subaru wildly scanned the room that couldn't be his room as if the walls were closing in upon him. The radio relentlessly kept playing, maliciously turning its volume higher and higher or so it seemed. He had no idea what was happening; all he knew was that he had to get out, had to escape – frantically Subaru threw himself out of the bed, tripping over bedsheets and tumbling to the floor where he found himself face to face with a pair of pink pig house slippers.

The last time he had had pink pig slippers was when he was sixteen.

_♪… Jyuujika nante tayorenai …♫_

It was too uncanny, it was the last straw. Breath sobbing in his throat Subaru violently flung the slippers across the room and scrambled for the door. He grabbed the door handle – it slipped out of his gloved hands and he gripped tighter, twisting it then half-slipping on the polished wooden floor as he threw himself out of his – no, _not_ his – out of the room.

_♪… Kimi wo mamoritai no—_

He slammed the door behind him which finally cut off the music. Briefly Subaru paused, leaning back against the door trying to gather himself. Where to go? Right – no, dead end, nothing but a mirror, left, an empty corridor – he ran stumbling as if he didn't quite have control of his limbs—

_The mirror—_

Abruptly Subaru stopped his headlong, pointless flight to look back over his shoulder. His blood froze.

_It can't be ..._

It was the eyes he noticed straight off, the two wide orbs of emerald green that looked back at him. Two, not one, not the mismatched pair of green and white so similar to another he knew all too well. He closed the left eye, marveling how the world didn't go dark, then opened it and took in the fullness of what he saw. That was what had been wrong with the images he had been receiving; after spending so long slowly adjusting himself to the curious flatness of his vision, he had almost forgotten what it was like to see perfectly. And he hadn't even realised.

_How—?_

Before he could ponder that fantastic mystery, the rest of his reflection sank in. Subaru's legs, already unsteady with the revelation of his eyesight, nearly gave out again.

He saw a slight, almost painfully thin body half-drowning in loose pajamas that spilled over his feet and hung low on narrow hips. The face was delicate and finely boned with rounded cheeks of immaturity, childish innocence evident even through the expression of utter shock, framed by soft, windblown hair of ebony black. Dumbfounded, Subaru slowly raised gloved hands to his face and hesitantly ran his fingers over the soft skin.

Considering what he had been through and endured, it seemed impossible that he had ever been this delicate adolescent that he had somehow reverted to.

His hands dropped lifelessly from his face. Now his legs gave way. Subaru sat down heavily in the sunlight, arms falling on either side of him like exhausted wings as he stared at his sixteen-year old self.

 _H-how did – why am I—_ Subaru realised he was beginning to babble again and firmly squashed that frightened little voice with difficulty. _Think. What do you remember last?_

With that goal in mind, Subaru closed his eyes taking in deep, cleansing breaths that washed away all fear and agitation leaving nothing but calm behind. It let him find his centre, a place of stability in a self that was so often slipping down a dark, steep spiral, and it was that single point that he took hold of as he cleared his mind, shifting awareness from the present to the bright and twisted threads of memory. He traced his sense along those threads instinctively avoiding painful knots and tangles, carefully searching until he finally found the end of a thread. It was tied off with a tight, aching knot, and he hesitantly touched it, fingered it …

 

_—warmth, acceptance, sorrow … he closed his eyes as he savoured this single instant between them, a first and last moment of intimacy too short and bitter-sweet … felt the other hesitantly remove one hand that was holding him close and raise it, sensed the thrum of power gathering about that hand even as he reached into his sleeve for a single white card that he raised to his lips …_

_"Don't let go—"_

_… he pressed the card against the other's chest and willed it to life, hearing a crystalline cry as it burst_ _... the other person spasmed against him and then there was agony, agony at what he had done, agony as the other person's hand slammed through his heart ... he felt the other go limp against him, felt the pain leaving with his blood_ _as the two of them sank together the closest they had ever been_ _…_

_"—don't ever let go."_

_… darkness, blessed darkness where he could hide …_

I know this dream … why am I dreaming this again … sakura, blood and fire … how can I be dreaming when I am dead … I know this dream …

_… hide in a dream where nothing would begin and nothing would end …_

_This is—_

_Death—_

 

With a sharp breath Subaru snapped his eyes open dropping the memory like a hot coal. His gloved fingers were tangled in sweat-soacked pajamas and his body was wound tight enough to snap. He had died, really died on the Final Day. He had confronted his nemesis and killed him even as the assassin killed him. He had died … with Seishirou … hadn't he?

An insane thought took him, that maybe the last nine years had been nothing but a bad dream. It was discarded immediately – his memories were too vivid to be illusions, and the knowledge of death, the actual _experience_ of it, the fall into darkness with nothing but an endless cycle of memories that he could only rewatch over and over unable to change anything …

The cold of deepest space seemed to fill him. Subaru shuddered and quickly withdrew from that line of thought to something else. _But if I'm … dead, then why am I here?_

That question sent his mind running around in circles like a mouse at the bottom of a glass. His right eye had been blind – now he could see. He had grown older – now he was again an adolescent. He was dead – and yet he lived.

 _How did this—_ His chest was heaving in shallow gasps. He tried to stand, bracing himself against the bedroom door. It opened under his weight, swinging against the wall and throwing Subaru onto the floor of the room – it couldn't be his room – where he whimpered and curled into a pitiful ball with hands over his ears and eyes squeezed shut choosing the darkness. Darkness, where he could shut out the world and hide within himself—

 

_sakura, blood, fire … I know this dream … why am I dreaming it again … sakura, blood, fire … never beginning and never ending … sakura, blood, fire …_

 

Subaru clutched at his head as if it were about to explode. He had died, actually _died_ – he opened his mouth to scream—

"Subaru!"

Wildly his eyes flew open.

"Subaru! Are you up yet?"

There was the sound of shoes being dropped carelessly to the floor and the rustle of clothes. Uncurling, Subaru shakily leaned forward on hands and knees to peer around the doorjamb down the darkened corridor. _That voice …_

"Hey! Don't make me come in and wake you!"

_It can't be …_

Slowly Subaru got to his feet and took a trembling step forward. "Nee-chan?" he whispered, not yet believing.

He heard quick steps accompanied by the _flap flap_ of house slippers. Soon a heartrendingly familiar shadow appeared on the floor framed by golden sunlight. It came rapidly closer.

"SUBARU! If you've been overworking again I'll—" The owner of the shadow came around the corner and stopped. "Oh, good, you're awake!"

For a long moment Subaru could only stare.

It seemed that he was again looking into the mirror. The hair was the same endearingly unkempt and tousled style, the delicate face and emerald eyes a reflection of his own. Once that sank in the inevitable differences were focused on. The lithe body had just enough femininity to avoid being labelled androgynous, not that anyone could mistake gender looking at the clothes the girl wore which were individual to the point of making a very vocal fashion statement in a conservative world. The eyes that were the exact shade of green of his were sparkling with vibrancy and life. And the face, that was continuously animated in a way his could never be. So similar and yet so different, such a description could only fit one person. His mind could not believe that it was she who stood before him – his heart, however, was singing as it simply knew.

"Hokuto-chan," Subaru whispered her name so softly he was nearly inaudible even to him.

He expected happiness on her face, some expression of joy at this unexplainable reunion.

She frowned.

"Earth to Subaru, why are you standing like a dummy?" Hokuto demanded, waving a hand in front of him in search of some response. Subaru blinked and Hokuto frowned further. "No good morning?" she queried. Then she looked at him closely, taking in his pale and drawn face. "Are you sick?"

Before Subaru could react, Hokuto crossed the distance between them and placed one slim hand on his forehead.

She was warm.

"You seem okay," said his twin sister, lowering her hand. "Did you have a nightmare or something?"

Abruptly Subaru shook himself out of his stupor. At long last he understood that he was facing the real person, if not exactly how. He reached out and roughly drew his twin sister into a tight embrace.

"Nee-chan."

He felt her start against him as well as an expression of surprise. Then slowly, he sensed her arms come up to hold him close. Subaru closed his eyes and listened to her heart beating beside his own, a lively drum pounding out a rhythm of life, and buried his face and tears in her shoulder.

"Subaru?" Hokuto's lilting soprano had a worried timbre to it. "What's wrong?"

It was too much, too much to hold in, and Subaru sobbed, body shaking with relief, joy, other emotions beyond description. "You-you're alive."

"Of _course_ I'm alive!" Hokuto pulled away slightly so that she could look into his face. "You must have had one hell of a bad dream."

Subaru blinked. "Huh?"

"Don't think about it," said Hokuto as if she hadn't heard him. Without warning she pulled him back into the embrace again and patted his back comfortingly. "I'm here, I haven't died. It was just a dream, okay?"

Her brother stared in confusion. Hokuto grinned impishly and skipped off the way she had come, pulling Subaru with her. "Come get your clothes," she said over her shoulder, oblivious to the expression on his face. Numb as he was, it was all he could do just to stumble along in her wake. "I'll get your breakfast going."

"Wh-what?"

She was going too fast for him, and he wasn't anywhere near to figuring out what was going on. Hokuto dragged him down the hall, past a toilet and study and through a door on his right to a sunny dining room. As they went Subaru had an odd sense of déjà vu. How did he know she was taking him to the dining room?

"Your clothes are on the table," said Hokuto, letting go of his hand and heading into the kitchen. She immediately began rummaging around the pots and pans, flinging open overhead cupboards in search of breakfast ingredients. With the all the noise and activity Hokuto didn't see how Subaru had stopped in the doorway and was looking about the room with in utter shock.

"This is … my apartment?" Mechanically he identified the leafy pot plants scattered over the wooden floorboards, the tall clock with its ABCD face, the long dining table that separated the kitchen from the rest of the room with its three chairs. He hadn't seen those in years.

"Hmm?" asked Hokuto, head hidden behind a cupboard door as she stood on tip-toe getting out bowls and cups. "The paper's with your clothes if that's what you're wondering."

Subaru looked to where she had verbally indicated. Sure enough, on the table was a carefully arranged pile of black and orange. Laid beside it were a hat and a folded newspaper. Exactly how things used to be when Hokuto was alive and taking care of him.

"Hey. It'll take me some time to finish making breakfast so go get changed."

"Uh – okay!" Automatically Subaru snatched up his clothes and paper and was dashing back down the hall to his room before he realised what he was doing. When he did, he slowed to a halt and frowned over the strangeness of the situation.

_What?_

The music of his sister's humming floated out of the kitchen. Subaru twisted slightly and looked behind him. Hokuto, alive and well, and apparently with no memory of what had happened to her. He tried to reconcile that miraculous fact in his brain with logic. It didn't work.

_She doesn't seem to have changed …_

Out of curiosity Subaru inspected the wardrobe Hokuto had picked out. A short loose jacket of flaming orange sat on the top of the pile. There were also fitting black pants and a long sleeved top of the same colour, which he vaguely remembered as one of her standard choices for him. Subaru sighed. Such bright and fanciful clothes really weren't his style. Blacks, greys and whites were what he was now accustomed to.

"Why is she – ah!"

The entire pile slithered out of his gloved hands and onto the floor. The neatly folded paper also fell and was no longer neatly folded as Subaru tried in vain to catch as many things as he could. Hokuto would kill him if she saw her brother treating clothes like this, so he rapidly gathered it all into a messy bundle then began to pick up the newspaper sheets which had scattered like a fallen leaves. One page was lying hunchback-like against the wall, and Subaru reached out for it. Somehow in the puzzle of loud ads and words Subaru managed to read the date. He froze in shock.

 

**November 8, 1990**

 

It took several seconds for the date's full impact to hit. Heavily Subaru sat down on the sun-warmed floor, staring at the paper as if it were a live bomb. He wasn't too sure just how many more shocks his system could handle today – if it was today.

 

**1990**

 

"Oh my …"

It was absolutely impossible – and yet how else could he explain his sudden rewind in age, or Hokuto's presence?

"… why …"

And how else could he be alive when he knew that he had died? The newspaper and clothes fell out his shaking hands to the floor again. Subaru didn't notice or move to pick them up. How could such a – an impossibility (he hesitated to term it a miracle) have occurred?

More importantly, what was he going to do about it?

"Subaru, breakfast is ready!"

"N-nee-chan." Somehow Subaru managed to get the words out loud enough for Hokuto to hear in the kitchen. "What's the date today?"

"It's Thursday November 8," she called back promptly. "Why?"

Subaru ignored the question. "And also … what year is it?"

There was the sound of feet coming towards him. He looked up and flinched as Hokuto leaned over to rest the back of her hand against his forehead. "Are you feeling all right?" she asked, frowning.

" _Please_ , Hokuto-chan," said Subaru half-desperately, clutching onto her skirt. "What year is it?"

Hokuto looked at him, startled and more than a little alarmed. "Nineteen-ninety. You sure you're not sick?"

Subaru let his hands drop, wide eyes staring at nothing in particular as he drew in several deep breaths. What in the name of whatever deities existed had happened to him?

"Subaru? Subaru!"

A pair of slim hands took hold of his shoulders and shook him sharply. Subaru glanced up. His twin sister was looking at him with emerald eyes full of concern. Hokuto, who he thought he would never see again. He shook hair out his eyes as he slowly realised what this time warp meant.

Hokuto was alive – in this time at least.

"Shall I call a doctor?"

Not only was she alive, she didn't know. She had no idea that she had … died. Subaru forced himself to smile reassuringly. "I-I'm fine, Hokuto-chan," he said, hopefully with more conviction than he felt. "I just had a bad night."

"I'll say," Hokuto snorted, not wholly convinced. She stood up anyway and helped her brother rise to his feet. "Maybe you'll feel better after eating breakfast."

Subaru's smile became more genuine. "Yeah."

Hokuto still looked suspicious but turned to walk back to the kitchen. "Well then, hurry up," she admonished. "Otherwise we'll be late."

"Late?" Subaru frowned. "What for?"

At the end of the sunlit corridor, Hokuto flashed a cheeky grin over her shoulder at her twin. "To see Sei-chan of course! Don't you want to see your honey?" She skipped out of sight around the corner, completely oblivious to the fact her twin had stopped dead in the middle of the hall.

Subaru stared after her, rooted to the ground as if someone had just pulled a knife on him. "Seishirou-san," he whispered.

_Sakurazukamori._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The song that wakes Subaru up is 'Déjà vu' from the Tokyo Babylon Second Image Soundtrack.  
> \- Subaru's pig slippers come from the second book of Tokyo Babylon, just after when Subaru wakes up and before he pulls the covers away.  
> \- The June 1991 edition of CLAMP news included a diagram of Subaru and Hokuto's apartments.  
> \- With the date of the newspaper, the first concrete date in the manga is November 11 in 'Dream' when Subaru goes to visit his grandmother, and November 12 when he does the job involving the girl in the coma. Lady Sumeragi says ‘the other day' when referring to the Tokyo Tower job, so I am assuming that 'Babel' took place only a few days before Subaru visited Kyōto.


	3. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's wrong with Subaru-kun today? He's acting like he's almost afraid of me."

"Come on, slowpoke, what are you hanging around outside for?"

Subaru slowly turned his gaze away from the all-too familiar façade of the building in front of him. It was ordinary enough in glass and brick, the three floors standing modestly against the Shinjuku high-rises one could see rising into the sky beyond. On the ground floor two pillars framed a glass door just clear enough to invite people inside. More glass created a large floor-to-ceiling window on the second level, but this glass was tinted, allowing the person inside to see out but no one to see in. There was nothing particularly special about the third floor either; it consisted of a simple balcony in front of a sliding door/window just like any other of the scores of apartments in Tokyo.

An ordinary home, for an ordinary person. Or more correctly, an ordinary persona.

"Oi! You coming or not?"

Subaru shook himself out of his trance at the shout. In front of him, Hokuto had her hand on the door handle of the veterinary clinic and was glaring at him impatiently.

 _Veterinary clinic indeed,_ thought Subaru with revulsion. He knew the fate that lay before most of the patients.

_Substitutes for the Sakurazukamori._

He really didn't want to go inside. He really didn't want Hokuto to go inside. In fact, he didn't want them to be anywhere near this place. "Um, Hokuto-chan," began Subaru hesitantly. "Maybe we shouldn't go see Seishirou-san today."

He watched his sister blink. "Why not?"

"Um …" Subaru glanced back the way they had come fighting an urge to just grab his sister's hand and run. Such an action was out of character for the sixteen-year boy old Subaru had to think himself back into. "The Sa— ah, Seishirou-san could be busy and doesn't want to be disturbed," he said lamely. 

Subaru gulped as Hokuto covered the distance between them in one stride of her slender legs. Although they were they same height, for some reason it seemed that his sister was looming over him as she glared straight into his eyes. He had forgotten just how domineering his elder twin could be.

Without warning, Hokuto broke into a wide, cheeky smile. "I see!"

Subaru blinked and just managed to hold onto his hat as a playful breeze caught it. "Uh, see what?"

There was a little giggle from the girl. "You're just too embarrassed to see Sei-chan!"

"Huh?"

The smile grew cheekier. "If you're too embarrassed to see Sei-chan that's a sure sign that you love him!"

" _What!_ "

"Aw, c'mon Subaru!" Hokuto leapt lightly away and held an impish finger to her lips. "You know perfectly well that Sei-chan takes a break at this time of the day. Now hurry up! I'm hungry!"

Deflated, Subaru gave a weak smile at his sister's enthusiasm. "I'm coming."

Hokuto didn't wait for her brother, instead, opening the door and skipping inside. The glass door swung soundlessly shut.

Subaru stared at it for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, and stepped forward. He had had ample opportunity on the trip from his apartment to think over what had happened to him but so far hadn't reached any real resolution. No matter how many times he had doused himself with cold water in the bathroom that morning or pinched himself, the entire impossible situation had not changed.

For some reason, his life had just rewound about nine years. And he was living it again. He knew that there were some things in life that couldn't be explained but really … time travel was impossible to believe, even for someone who was an onmyouji and Dragon of Heaven.

If he was a Dragon anymore.

Technically it was only nineteen-ninety, which meant that the Final Day was still to come in nine years. But it had already happened.

 _This is just too confusing._ Subaru sighed and put the hand he had been about to place on the door handle on his head instead. He was getting a headache just trying to think about it all. Plus he wanted a cigarette. _So now what?_ he thought tiredly to himself. _I'm alive, I have my right eye again, I'm sixteen. But I'm not sixteen._

__

__

_What do I do?_

Slowly he removed his gloved hand from where it was placed over his face. He looked at the black glove distastefully for a moment and wondered if he should take them off – it would take some getting used to wearing them again, and his hands felt constrained under the subtle magic that was woven into the thin leather. His grandmother had done that, in a vain hope to protect Subaru's life from the one who had killed—

Hokuto. She was alive.

That alone made this whole weird mess worth it.

Subaru closed his eyes and smiled softly as he thought back to that morning; Hokuto telling him to eat all his breakfast otherwise he might faint of hunger, adjusting his clothes so that they looked just right. He remembered that her fussing around like a mother hen used to needle him sometimes – now he felt that he could put up with any amount of his sister's overly zealous attentions as long as she was there to do it.

The breeze played with Subaru's hat again, trying to lift it away. He caught it just in time and squashed it back onto his head. It was another Hokuto-patented hat; black with an orange band that matched his jacket. Subaru's lips quirked upward at the picture he made in the glass; wearing hats was another thing he had to get used to doing again. He had tried to get out of it when they had left the apartment, saying that he was perfectly fine without one. Hokuto wouldn't hear of it of course. "But you _have_ to wear the hat!" she'd said, pouting most adorably. "You want to look good for Sei-chan don't you?"

_Seishirou-san._

The smile fell from Subaru's face.

Unbidden, an image of the man appeared in his mind's eye. A tall, strong figure clad in a black coat that matched the midnight of his hair. How the long slender fingers held a cigarette or a pair of sunglasses just so. And the face, the handsome, refined features, always wearing that cold parody of a friendly greeting as the eyes, one cloudy white, the other of amber ice, stared with the intensity of an eagle about to strike. 

Subaru's sixteen year-old image in the glass door reflected his tensely apprehensive expression back at him.

_Sakurazukamori._

He knew this time. He knew the truth about his 'loving' veterinarian friend. Subaru's hand, still poised over the door handle, shook. His mind was screaming for him to dash inside and save Hokuto then run, run far away, away from the clinic, away from the assassin's hunting ground.

He would have done it if he thought that Seishirou would let him go.

Subaru stared at the polished door handle for a long moment. Then, slowly, he gingerly placed a gloved hand on it as if it were red-hot. Just as he was about to twist it open, however, it swung away.

"Subaru-kun!"

An all-too-familiar figure appeared in front of him. Subaru barely had time to squeak as he was suddenly enveloped in a strong welcoming hug. "Why on earth are you hovering about outside my door?" a well-remembered, cultured voice teased into his ear. "Don't you know I've been pining away for your presence?"

For a moment Subaru froze, his mind automatically registering the white medical coat and the arms wrapped around his too-slim body. Then he took in the dark hair brushing against his cheek. Immediately he began to struggle, pushing at the strong chest in a vain attempt to free himself. "Let go of me!"

To his complete surprise, he was obeyed. Subaru suddenly found himself without support and stumbled backwards slightly before he knocked into the signboard standing on the path advertising 'Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic.' His gloved hands fumbled for it, slipping slightly before he found a secure grip. Finally Subaru regained his balance and he pulled himself up to look straight into—

—two amber-gold eyes looking warmly at him from behind a pair of elegant glasses.

Subaru stopped.

So did Seishirou.

There was a still pause. The only sound audible to Subaru's ears was the rapid pounding of his heart. He wondered if the other man could hear it.

Finally, Seishirou spoke. "Hello, Subaru-kun."

Subaru jumped at the soft greeting. There was none of the amused coldness he expected. If it had been designed to put him at ease, however, it didn't work.

"I'm sorry if I startled you," Seishirou continued, a caring smile on his face. Subaru didn't buy it – he knew how good an actor the man was – and remained where he stood hiding his defensive posture behind the sign as he warily looked at the 'vet'.

"Where's Hokuto-chan?" Subaru blurted out the question just a little too sharply but didn't notice. Hokuto was in the home of the Sakurazukamori and if Seishirou had harmed his sister … the image that had haunted him for nine years, of Seishirou holding Hokuto's dead body, loomed before him and Subaru felt into his pocket for the ofuda he always kept there—

"Hokuto-chan's inside. She's probably gobbling down your share of the snacks I bought," replied Seishirou.

Subaru blinked. He stared at the man in front of him. He replayed what he had just heard over in his mind and stared some more as the sound of contented feminine singing floated out of the open door of the clinic. The vet turned towards the music slightly, then back to the boy.

"I stand corrected," said Seishirou with a wry smile. "By the sound of it she has _already_ gobbled down your share of today's snack."

Momentum lost, Subaru could only stare at Seishirou as he tried to get a grip on the situation. He couldn't.

Still wary, he watched the other man as he would a snake. Seishirou stood to one side of the open door waiting for Subaru to enter. When Subaru didn't move from behind the sign, the tiniest of frowns spread across the handsome features. "Aren't you going to come inside?" asked Seishirou.

Subaru didn't answer. He looked at the door and the bright, familiar reception desk behind it. In one of the rooms beyond sat his sister. Between him and his sister was the Sakurazukamori.

"Subaru-kun?" Seishirou's voice held a note of worry in it. "Is anything wrong?"

It was difficult to bite back the obvious retort. Why was Seishirou still pretending? Subaru _knew_. In random sequence memories flashed before him – Seishirou smirking at him from behind his sun-glasses, Seishirou breaking through his spell as if it were paper, Seishirou mocking him, amused coldness in his mismatched eyes—

Subaru started as Seishirou came towards him, one hand extended. Hesitantly, he looked up into that achingly familiar face.

Those eyes were now both amber-gold.

"Please come in, Subaru-kun," the vet said gently.

Subaru stared at that outstretched hand for a long moment. Then he stepped out from the scant protection of the sign.

Seishirou smiled and made a move as if to place a hand in the small of Subaru's back to guide him inside. Subaru dodged and gestured with one gloved hand for Seishirou to precede him through the door. There was no way he was having the Sakurazukamori at his back. "After you."

He almost smiled humourlessly at the flash of puzzlement on Seishirou's face that was gone as quickly as it came. Even so, Subaru raised his eyebrows in surprise as the older man obeyed, turning his back on Subaru and entering the clinic.

Subaru gave himself a three-count. Then he took a deep breath and followed Seishirou.

The change from the bright autumn weather into the reception area's dimness made him blink. At this time of day there were no people in the waiting room other than the middle-aged receptionist who was busy with files however Subaru could hear a varied array of muted animal noises through the walls. He was barely aware of Seishirou's attempts at conversation, walking with halting steps, often stopping completely in the corridor to stare around. Only when Seishirou turned to look at him did Subaru realise he was dawdling and quickly scurry along in the other man's wake.

"What's wrong with Subaru-kun today?" Subaru heard Seishirou ask as they came to the consultation room. "He's acting like he's almost afraid of me."

"That's because you're a sexual predator, Sei-chan!" the high-pitched voice of Hokuto said gaily.

A good-natured laugh was the reply. Subaru stopped as they finally entered the consultation room, the place where the three of them had always met for easy companionship. Hokuto grinned and waved at him from her seat on the table, a teapot with three cups of tea and a porcelain plate beside her. The plate, decorated with smiling cats that danced around the rim, was empty save for the crumbs. He didn't acknowledge his sister as he looked about struck by the room's familiarity. Even though he had mentally prepared himself for the shock, finding himself again in the place that he hadn't seen for nine years (or since yesterday, depending on how one looked at it) was enough to make him stare. The usual screen curtains lined one wall their hems hanging just above the sterile floor tiles, while the rest of the walls were taken up with bright, colourful anatomy posters and certificates of veterinary science. Subaru remembered how they used to fascinate him and feed his dreams of being a zookeeper.

Seishirou had killed that dream, just as he had killed Hokuto.

A hand was waved in front of his face. Subaru jumped and took an instinctive step back as he realised the hand belonged to the Sakurazukamori. As he did so, he bumped into the stool Seishirou had brought for him and sat on it with an undignified thump that made the other two laugh. Subaru wasn't finding the situation funny at all. He watched Seishirou warily, questioningly, wondering why the man was behaving as if nothing had happened. Nervously he fiddled with his fingers, expecting at any moment for the Sakurazukamori to do something. But why should he wait for Seishirou to make the first move? Wouldn't it be better for Subaru to have the element of surprise in his attack? No, Hokuto was present in the room and he couldn't fight and protect his sister at the same time. But if he waited it would be too late—

 _Ah, great._ He sighed and rubbed his temple as if he had a headache. Seishirou's packet of cigarettes was lying on the counter beside him. Subaru absently reached out for the box and tapped out a single thin cylinder which he smoothly caught between his fingers. Expertly he began to raise it to his lips …

Subaru stiffened as he noticed Hokuto and Seishirou giving him identical strange looks. His cigarette-holding gloved hand froze in mid-air.

Hokuto frowned. "Um, Subaru," she said, pointing at the cigarette in his hand. "Since when did you smoke?"

"Yes, Subaru-kun," said Seishirou. He looked at Subaru carefully. "That is also something I would like to know."

"Um …" Flustered, Subaru looked from one to the other. Realising he was still holding the cigarette in a way that belied far too much skill for a boy of sixteen, he hastily tried to shove it back into its box. With his gloved hands and embarrassment, all he managed to do was spill the entire cigarette packet onto the clinic floor. Immediately he leaped off his stool and began to gather them all up. "I, ah, I was just looking," he said, frantically hoping that his weak excuse that would dissuade suspicion and save him from trouble with his sister. It didn't work.

"Subaru, I don't believe it!" Hokuto exploded. "How could you even think about smoking? It's a disgusting habit – no offence, Sei-chan."

"None taken," replied the vet. Seeing Subaru still unsuccessfully trying to clean up, Seishirou graciously came over to help him. Subaru jumped at his approach but forced himself to keep calm, though he did stand up and move away. "You really shouldn't take up smoking, Subaru-kun," said Seishirou, tipping his handful of cigarettes neatly into the box. "It's bad for your health, you know."

Subaru flinched. Memory—

 

_He raised the lighter, forcing his hand not to shake. The cigarette caught immediately._

__

__

_"Thank you."_

_Abruptly his hand was caught in a swift snatch and raised to warm lips. He froze._

_"You … smoke?" An amused smile as Subaru stared in shock. "It's bad for your health, you know."_

_It was too much; he jerked away, ready to fight—_

 

Subaru blinked and brought his mind back to the present (the past?) as he realised his sister was talking.

"You're a bad influence on my little brother, Sei-chan!" Hokuto declared with a mock-glare at the man. The vet laughed as he put his box of cigarettes in the pocket of his doctor's coat where Subaru couldn't get them.

"People always take on aspects of the one they love," replied Seishirou. He smiled at Subaru. Subaru didn't smile back.

"What aspect of me have you taken on, Seishirou-san?" he asked.

Seishirou stopped and looked at him. "What do you mean, Subaru-kun?" he asked quizzically.

"Exactly what you heard," Subaru shot back. He looked straight into the assassin's golden eyes. "Have I affected you in any way? Is it possible for you to change?"

Subaru felt an odd sort of satisfaction as he watched Seishirou's face. The vet blinked in surprise, but behind the glasses lurked something darker. It was probably imperceptible to most people, but then again Subaru had the dubious pleasure of knowing Seishirou like no one else ever had. He gazed up at the man, defiant. Then, without warning, the kindly veterinarian was back. "I don't think I quite understand you. Are you all right, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou looked down at him with a worried expression.

"Don't give me that look," Subaru snapped.

Seishirou stared. So did Hokuto. Subaru tensed, wondering if he had gone too far and the Sakurazukamori would reveal himself in a storm of blood and flowers, however, just as he was about to open his mouth again to remedy the effect of his words, his sister unwittingly saved him.

"Eh, don't mind Subaru today," chirped Hokuto, waving her hand dismissively. "He's been weird ever since he woke up this morning. He even forgot what year it is, if you would believe it."

"I see," replied Seishirou. Subaru frowned – what was that unreadable look Seishirou was giving him? It was lost as Seishirou turned to Hokuto with a cheery smile. "For a moment there I was afraid I had done something wrong and Subaru-kun didn't love me anymore!"

Hokuto laughed merrily and Subaru tried to force himself to give the man a weak smile. It didn't work. To cover his embarrassment he turned his attention to the work counter and began fiddling with the objects covering it, ignoring how his sister was regaling Seishirou with childhood tales to prove just how weird Subaru had been at times. At the very end of the room the latest patient sat in a cage; Subaru walked over to it and peered through the grill. A large white cat blinked sleepily at him, then yawned. It woke up when Subaru slid his hand inside the gap under the cage door. Hoping for a petting, the cat butted its head against his fingers. Subaru smiled.

"… and then there was the time he thought he'd try a spell to walk on water to see the ducks …"

Subaru winced – Hokuto seemed bent on embarrassing him today. On impulse, he opened the cage and lifted the cat out into his arms, hiding his pink face in the white fur. Satisfied with the attention it was receiving, the cat purred contentedly and settled into his arms, only protesting once when Subaru jarred a bandaged paw.

 _So he healed you,_ thought Subaru, stroking the cat's head as he sat on the stool again. He did his best not to listen to Seishirou and Hokuto's laughs over the duck incident and smiled sadly. _The Sakurazukamori is capable of doing good when he chooses to. You're one of the lucky ones._ He scratched the cat under the chin. The barrier of thin leather over his hands prevented him from truly enjoying the softness of the cat's fur – briefly he thought about removing them since he knew that Seishirou knew anyway, but then decided not to. He didn't want Hokuto to ask questions.

He didn't want Hokuto to know that she had died.

There was a break in the conversation as Seishirou stood up to clean away the tea things and Subaru tuned back in, away from his darker thoughts. "But if you want to hear about Subaru making a fool of himself then those are nothing," said Hokuto. Suddenly she laughed loudly. "It is Subaru and Sei-chan's first meeting that we must remember!"

Subaru started. What was so funny about meeting Seishirou at the Sakura Barrow in the bloody aftermath of a murder and being forced into a bet he didn't understand? Belatedly he realised that Hokuto was talking about the other time he had met Seishirou, the day the year of the bet began. Subaru frowned, trying to remember the details. What was so funny about it? He had been chasing a shikigami through a train station, the shikigami was flying high and he had been craning his head to follow it, thus paying no attention to where his feet were going …

Ouch. Subaru flushed. Now he remembered. His hopes to be spared from further humiliation were dashed as Hokuto continued on heedless of his red face.

"Subaru is so clumsy, but meeting Sei-chan after falling on his face at the Ikebukuro train station is just priceless!" giggled the girl.

"I – I was concentrating on following the shikigami at the time," said Subaru defensively. "I didn't want to lose sight of it and since a bird flies in the sky I had to keep looking upwards so …" He tightened his hold on the cat as it purred against his cheek. "I suppose I forgot to look at my feet as well."

Hokuto's maniacal exuberant laughter was unexpected enough to make Subaru fall off his chair, much to the cat's shock as well as his own. "Sei-chan, you really fell for such a fool!" she declared expansively. "That must have been a terrible first impression!"

"That wasn't the first time."

Subaru sat up on the floor. Seishirou had his back to them, his face in shadow as he put the teapot away. "Huh?" he asked, confused.

Seishirou turned to face them, a mysterious smile on his face. "That time at the Ikebukuro wasn't our first meeting." He came over to Subaru, pulling him up; Subaru accepted without thinking, confused at the Sakurazukamori's behaviour. Up until now Seishirou seemed to be acting like nothing had happened. So why had he suddenly changed tactics?

"Seishirou-san …" he began, about to ask despite his misgivings.

"A long time ago," Seishirou said softly, cutting him off, "a very long time ago, you and I met, Subaru-kun." He hadn't let go of Subaru's wrist. "Don't you remember?"

They were standing so close; Subaru found he couldn't move out from under that amber gaze. Pure amber now, not off-set by milky white. What was Seishirou saying? Was he trying to tell him that he did remember all that had happened – was going to happen, in those nine years? But why such an odd, enigmatic way of saying so? He tried to make his lips form the question, tried to force himself to speak even though Hokuto was there, watching them curiously. But Seishirou spoke before he could. It wasn't what Subaru expected though.

"Just kidding!"

Subaru and Hokuto both fell over. The veterinarian had the biggest grin on his face. "It's not a very popular idea nowadays," he explained to the floored Sumeragi twins, still grinning lopsidedly, "but people said that they've met in a previous life so I thought I'd try it!"

Hokuto was faster to regain control than Subaru, who sat on the floor blinking up at Seishirou completely thrown off-course. "Sei-chan, you—!" she scolded, despite the fact the man was half again her size and a dangerous assassin to boot. "You must be going senile if you follow the fashions! Where did you hear something as dumb as that?!"

"In a book I read recently – an anthology of something …"

The rest of the banter was lost to Subaru as he started to think. Now he was more confused than ever. There was an odd sense of déjà vu to the incident, more than which had coloured the entire morning so far, but it wasn't that which bothered him.

 _Just what are you playing at, Sakurazukamori,_ thought Subaru darkly as his sister lectured the man with a sparkling smile. Meeting a long time ago – was Seishirou trying to tell him something? That he did remember everything that had happened between them, from Hokuto's death to the Final Day? That could very well apply to the man's comment about meeting in a previous life; but it had been meant in jest, not seriousness.

Hadn't it?

He stared at Seishirou, now laughing with what seemed to be genuine humour and not the cold amusement Subaru remembered. The assassin, once again the veterinarian, playing the part so perfectly that Subaru, who knew the reality of the face behind the glasses, had to remind himself not to be fooled. But Seishirou flowed between the two so smoothly and so quickly it was difficult. Subaru was having a hard enough time trying to figure out just who he himself should be in this strange situation – Seishirou, with all his talent at pretence, was about as tangible as the illusions he cast.

"Who are you now?" Subaru murmured softly.

Not softly enough it would seem. "Who's who now?" asked Seishirou curiously, suddenly appearing right in front of him. 

Subaru jumped at his close proximity. "Nothing," he mumbled, backing away slowly. He yelped as he bumped into Hokuto and spun to face her. She was looking at him suspiciously, arms folded across the pink bodice of her puffy black dress.

"Just what is wrong with you today, Subaru?" she said impatiently. "Who are you talking about?"

Subaru averted his eyes and tried to act casual. "N-no one," he mumbled. Of course, his sister wasn't so easily dissuaded.

"Whaddya mean, 'no one'?" she demanded jabbing a finger at him. "Are you two-timing Sei-chan?!"

Subaru spluttered. "Where on earth did you get that idea from? Why would—"

"It's okay, Hokuto-chan," said Seishirou. He placed a steadying hand on the girl's shoulder, a look of mournful resignation on his face. "I'm not attractive enough. I don't have a good body."

Subaru turned red. "Seishirou-san!"

"After all," continued Seishirou, "a mere veterinarian like me is not worthy of Subaru-kun, a beautiful young man known all over Tokyo." He produced a handkerchief from some pocket of his white doctor's coat and dabbed at illusory tears. Subaru glared – now that was really going over the top.

"What do you mean a 'mere veterinarian'?" Subaru said sarcastically.

The nuance of his voice went unnoticed. "Oh, so you're saying that I really am good enough for you, Subaru-kun?" asked Seishirou. "That being a vet is actually a worthy occupation?"

Subaru blinked at the unexpected interpretation of his words. "Y-yes, a vet is a good occupation," he stammered without thinking before he caught himself. "Uh, wait! I mean—"

Seishirou wasn't in the mood to listen to the rest of what Subaru was going to say. "I'm so relieved, Subaru-kun!" he said happily. Beside them, Hokuto was trying to hide giggles. "So then, shall we set a date for our wedding?"

Subaru's eyes boggled. "What are you saying!" Now he knew Seishirou was playing. "You've got to be kidding! I'm a guy! And you—" He cut himself off. _And you're a deadly assassin who's going to kill my twin sister and make a mess of my life._ He didn't say it out loud. Not with Hokuto around. _Of course he's kidding. He's been kidding all morning. I think._

He expected Seishirou to drop the joke now. If he remembered correctly, the Sakurazukamori never bothered trying to hide when he was obviously caught out. Therefore, Subaru wasn't at all prepared when Seishirou leapt off his chair and advanced disturbingly close to him with an expression of intense passion on his face. Subaru instinctively moved backwards, however Seishirou didn't give up so easily.

"But Subaru-kun!" said the man, coming after him. "I really do love you!"

The words – and the wall behind him – stopped Subaru in his tracks, and his heart skipped a beat. He wanted desperately to think that what Seishirou said was true … but of course, he knew it wasn't. The Sakurazukamori was utterly without feeling, completely incapable of experiencing emotion. Subaru knew that all too well. There was nothing he could have done at all to affect centuries of dark tradition.

The bet Seishirou had pushed Subaru into had been impossible to win. He had never even given Subaru a fair chance.

Right?

"Stop joking around like this, Seishirou-san," snapped Subaru, pulse racing despite himself. He gulped as a hand was placed on the wall beside his head.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" asked Seishirou. His expression was completely serious.

For one wild moment Subaru believed him. Seishirou's eyes were piercing behind the glasses as he leaned his face closer to Subaru's stunned expression.

"I'm a man, and you're a boy, Subaru-kun," said Seishirou, inching closer so that the entirety of his forearm lay right next to Subaru's head. "It's just happened that the person I've fallen in love with is a boy, however …"

Subaru blinked. Why did this sound so familiar? Provocation was not Seishirou's intent, leaning over him like this. The whole thing seemed so surreal …

"That's what I'm saying," continued Seishirou, shrugging his shoulders in the way people do when they are joking about themselves, "but—"

"But a man who loves a boy is somewhat perverted," finished Subaru slowly.

Seishirou looked at him quizzically and stepped back. "Why, Subaru-kun," he said, eyebrows raised. "That's exactly what I was going to say." He laughed. Subaru didn't.

They were interrupted by a loud stamp of a boot. "That's right!" snapped Hokuto, grabbing their attention. Subaru blinked as his sister, half-standing on Seishirou's desk, shook a fist at them. "Now matter how you say it, Sei-chan," the girl scolded, "you're a pervert! Only weird men go after boys!"

Subaru looked at Seishirou as the man laughed. A new suspicion began to flicker in his mind.

"But I'm not going to split you two up," continued Hokuto, a gleam in her eye. "No, no! I give you my blessing!"

Subaru looked at Hokuto, then back at Seishirou as the two carried the joke between themselves. Hokuto, who still encouraged a liaison between himself and Seishirou, obviously had no memory of what had happened to her and behaved no differently. In fact, while Subaru was edgy and fiddling with cigarettes, Hokuto was exactly as she had been during that one year of the bet.

And Seishirou …

The realisation emerged in his mind the way a bubble rises through water, never rippling the liquid skin until it surfaced with a distinct pop.

_He doesn't remember._

That _definitely_ put a new spin on things.

_But why would he not remember while I do? Maybe he's just playing … again._

__

__

_Is he?_

Carefully Subaru watched as the veterinarian scooped up the cat, which had crawled under the desk, and put it back in its cage. The man's actions were unhurried, easy, and he had turned his back upon Subaru. For the entire day Seishirou had treated Subaru no differently than how he had when Subaru really had been sixteen, namely, with an enticing combination of warm affection, caring, with bursts of intense passion. No matter how good a control the assassin had over himself, Subaru seriously doubted that even the Sakurazukamori would have been able to wake up to find himself nine years in the past without displaying more reaction than what he had seen so far.

But it wasn't only that. It was also the fact that Seishirou's actions, like Hokuto's, were for most part a replay of the first time Subaru had lived this day.

"Well then, shall we go out?" said Seishirou – as Subaru belatedly knew he would.

"Closed your clinic already?" asked Hokuto.

The veterinarian slid his coat off and went to hang it up. "Doesn't seem like there's many customers today, so I can take a break," said Seishirou cheerfully.

"Great!" Hokuto danced off the desk with an exuberant grin. "Let's go see the sakura! Ueno Park would be great! I love eating oden while gazing at the sakura in Ueno Park!"

 _Ueno Park? That's where—_ Subaru gulped. "But Hokuto-chan," he began. Quickly he tried to think of an excuse not to go. "Um, Seishirou-san's only just finished, he might be tired. And the sakura—" He cut himself off before he finished the sentence. There was, after all, one sakura still in bloom.

His reply had no more effect on his twin in this time that it had the last. Even though Subaru had a vague idea of what his sister's response was going to be, the enthusiasm of her reply still bowled him over. "IDIOT! That's why it's a good idea!" shouted Hokuto impatiently as Subaru winced. "When Ueno Park's in full bloom you've got to shove your way past all the camping salary men! But today there'll only be kindergarten kids and old folk in photosynthesis!"

In vain, Subaru tried to calm his hyperactive sister down while Seishirou exchanged his medical coat for his dark jacket. Hokuto, pleased with her wit, gave a silvery laugh. Hearing it, Subaru hesitated before speaking to chide her. He had missed that laugh. He was glad it hadn't been changed by memories of a dark past/future.

And Seishirou hadn't changed either …

Subaru was so deep in thought he didn't even protest as Seishirou placed a hand on his shoulder to guide him out the door in Hokuto's wake.


	4. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wonder … does this Sakura Tree feel anything for all those people it has watched live and die?"

Subaru swore under his breath as his rogue hat decided to fly off his head yet again. This time instead of spinning down the path like before it decided to head off in the direction of a small group of picnickers who glanced up, startled, as the flustered youth interrupted their conversation. "I'm sorry! Please excuse me!" he apologised, smiling weakly as he picked his hat out of their picnic basket. At least it had landed there instead of the Grand Fountain nearby. Paying only the slightest attention to the looks he was getting Subaru squashed his hat back onto its proper place and ran to catch up with his companions. They were some meters ahead, Hokuto skipping lightly and chattering like the birds in the trees, her movements in complete opposition to the more calm and measured steps of Seishirou beside her.

Subaru's eyes narrowed. Actually, now that he thought about it, there was an air of a stalking predator in the Sakurazukamori's movements as well. The thought was decidedly uncomfortable, especially with his sister still blithely oblivious as to the reality of the situation. He quickened his pace only to abruptly slow as they turned a corner. His companions didn't notice.

"See? The sakura are beautiful! The pink ones especially. They tickle a girl's mind!"

"A girl's mind?" There was a genuine laugh. "Now that's something new!"

Subaru lagged even more as Hokuto scolded Seishirou. His slow speed was partly because he was still wary of the Sakurazukamori, even though he was certain the assassin didn't remember the last/future nine years, partly because he was still thinking, and partly because he knew what they were about to pass.

The Sakura was easy to spot for it stood alone, aloof from all the rest of the trees that surrounded it like subjects before a king. It wasn't only its size that seized the eye, but also the fact that unlike the rest of the sakura trees in the Park its heavy knurled branches were covered in delicate pink blossoms. At this time of the year it was a strangely beautiful sight to see. Subaru thought that perhaps he could walk straight past the Tree, as that was what the other two seemed to be doing, but he had forgotten how captivating the silent siren's call of death and suffering emanating from the wood was. It held as much fascination as it had when he had first come across it as a child, and as a boy – but this time there was a great deal of revulsion mixed with the feeling as well.

Unfaltering, Subaru passed under the shade of the Sakura – and stopped. Lifting his face he gazed above into the mass of glorious flowers. He stood there for a long moment before he spoke, unaware that the other two had walked ahead. Then he spoke softly, the wind carrying his voice up into the branches.

"I wonder if you remember."

The Tree didn't reply. Subaru hadn't expected it to.

"You probably don't remember." Subaru smiled humorlessly. "If you did, you'd have probably told Seishirou-san."

Why Seishirou didn't remember anything was a mystery in itself, but one Subaru wasn't going to spend any more time on. That question was only one of the many that had dominated his mind on the walk here, and, considering the lack of data and information he had, was pretty much impossible to answer. It was hard enough trying to figure out how this time travel had happened in the first place, let alone all the variances. It was more practical to think about what the entire situation meant.

If Seishirou didn't remember, then as far as the Sakurazukamori knew, the Bet was still taking place. The question was now – what was Subaru going to do about it?

The wind blew slightly, making the Sakura's branches rustle. Subaru's green eyes narrowed. He remembered, all too well, what happened here at the end of their Bet.

 

_"I am the Sakurazukamori."_

_Darkness, and sakura blowing all around in a hollow wind as his world shattered._

_"For me, breaking your arm is like breaking glass …"_

_—pain, all the more sharper for the wound it inflicted on his heart—_

_"… I feel nothing."_

_A smile. Still so tender, like the ones given to him so lovingly …_

_"I don't hate you – but I don't love you either."_

_… and yet the eye – one now, the other covered in white gauze, lost for him – looked at him so coldly. Contemptuously._

_"Farewell."_

 

_Seishirou-san …_

Subaru held up a hand and caught one of the passing blossoms on his gloved palm. He stared at the flower a moment, a splash of rose pink against black leather. _I didn't mean anything to you, did I, Seishirou-san,_ he thought bitterly. _I wasn't even worth killing. If we hadn't been on opposite sides for the Final Day, you probably wouldn't have even bothered with me after you killed Nee-chan._

_Even the ones you killed were more important to you than I was._

Viciously, he squeezed his hand shut, crushing the fragile blossom.

_Even Hokuto-chan …_

 

_"I will never let you kill Subaru. I swear I will not let that happen."_

_Two figures, one in white, one in black, beneath the shade of a beautiful sakura tree. Both equally loved …_

_"You can't defeat me."_

_"… I know."_

_… both there because of him._

_"So, I want you to kill me."_

_Blood, so red on white and black and palest pink. Her blood._

_"Subaru …"_

_It should have been his._

 

_Nee-chan._

_If I had won, you wouldn't have come here to confront him and die for me._ _But that was then._

Subaru opened his clenched fist and felt himself smile darkly at the pitiful remains of the flower.

_This is now._

_I have you again, and I won't let him kill you this time._

This time. This second chance.

He would protect his sister. That was unquestionable. But …

Subaru stared at the crushed sakura blossom. The determination with which he had destroyed it had faded almost instantly, and all that was left was discomfort.

What was he going to do about Seishirou?

 _The Bet still goes on in this time,_ thought Subaru uneasily, letting the crumpled petals drop and fly away on the breeze. Considering what had happened the first time, the logical thing to do would be to take Hokuto and flee Tokyo, even perhaps Japan itself. But Subaru knew the workings of the Sakurazukamori; no matter where he went, Seishirou would pursue him. The ones marked for death by the Sakurazukamori never escaped. And with the brands on his hands, inevitably, Seishirou would find him. Unconsciously Subaru eased an itch on the back of his left hand. Whether the irritation was due to the gloves or his near proximity to the Sakura Barrow he wasn't sure.

Running away was impossible, and if Subaru wanted to be brutally honest with himself he didn't want to. Besides, he could never abandon his duties as the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi clan. All those people who needed his help …

Subaru, although he was older today, still had his heart. Actually, despite the cruelties his life had dealt him, he had always had it.

_So I stay, but Sei— the Sakurazukamori …_

The Sakura before him looked no different to when it had been the backdrop to his sister's murder.

_You killed her. You killed me._

_Perhaps this time I should kill you first._

It would be so easy to kill Seishirou. With his greater knowledge of onmyoujitsu and none of the idealism or squeamishness of his child-self, Subaru could do it. Seishirou would probably never expect his seemingly innocent and docile plaything to turn around and stab him in the back. But even before he finished the thought, Subaru knew it would never happen. To kill Seishirou, today, for something that he would do in the future, to kill a person in cold blood—

_—like an assassin—_

—no, Subaru was incapable of doing that. Actually, he had never really wanted to kill Seishirou. Even after the end of the Bet, he had soon realised what he wanted was not to kill the Sakurazukamori, but rather for the Sakurazukamori to kill him - and in doing so, to see Subaru as more than just a 'thing'.

  _The last time we played this game … why couldn't I make you feel anything for me? Was it because I was too much of a child, stupid and naïve, who made everyone's pain his because he had no pain of his own?_

_If couldn't even make you see me as a person, how was I to make you love me?_

Subaru closed his eyes.

_Love._

Poor, foolish Subaru.

He still loved Seishirou. He still wanted Seishirou to love him, for the three of them, him, Seishirou and Hokuto to be together, forever, like it should have been.

Should have …

_It's another time. And I'm not a child anymore, am I._

_Perhaps … it can be different now?_

Immediately Subaru squashed that idea. Hope was a dangerous thing; he had found that out too many times to let hope get the better of him now. _Stupid fool. Why do you keep deluding yourself with fantasies?_

_And you know what will happen in the end …_

Subaru glanced back at the Tree, the seemingly normal tree, ordinary except for its spectacular beauty, beauty that originated from pain and blood. His pain, and her blood …

_No. I will not go through to that future again._

And yet, what else could he do? He could not run from Seishirou, he could not kill him. He had to stay, here in the city of Tokyo where everything had begun and ended, with his sister, where death would be with them every day.

He had to stay—

_—you want to stay—_

—but to even think that he could play the game again, his and Seishirou's game of love and death, especially when he knew what the outcome would be …

Would be … or could be?

If one had already walked a bridge and fallen, then wouldn't one know which steps to avoid and cross the bridge in safety? After all, the future didn't exist until he made a choice. And this time, Subaru would know what choices to make.

 _But Seishirou-san is the Sakurazukamori,_ said a part of Subaru. It was the part of him that always held back, inherently suspicious of everything and everyone, especially those things connected with the Sakurazukamori. The part of him that didn't want to be hurt anymore. _You can't make a cold-hearted assassin feel anything. The Bet was – is, impossible to win._

 

_"I don't hate you – but I don't love you either."_

 

To be worth something to such a man …

To awaken interest in an empty heart …

To make the Sakurazukamori love him …

Was it even possible?

"What are you looking at, Subaru-kun?"

Immediately Subaru tensed. He had been so lost in his scrutiny of the Sakura and all that it meant for him that he hadn't even heard Seishirou's quiet approach. The man stood just behind him, a dark presence that had always been there in Subaru's heart, a presence he could lose himself in … still, he could not help but jump slightly as Seishirou laid a hand, seemingly casually, on his left shoulder. He forced his heart to slow. What could he say to the Sakurazukamori? The assassin may not have yet done what he had done, or have any memory of the future – but it did not change the fact that he could do it.

_Did you even give me a chance to win, Seishirou-san? Were you already sure that you would not feel anything for me?_

_Yet … why did you take that chance in the first place?_

"This tree …" said Subaru slowly, not turning around, "it's seen so much." _So much death,_ he silently added. Behind him Seishirou was silent. He wondered what the man was thinking, watching Subaru watching the Tree. "I mean, it's seen so many people," the boy who was no longer a boy continued. "You and I, and everyone else over the years – we all live and it feels like an entire lifetime to us. But this tree, it's so old …"

"Almost a thousand years," murmured Seishirou, more to himself than to anyone else. Subaru felt his chest constrict at the thought of just how many people must lie entwined in the Sakura's roots.

"Or more." He took a deep breath and went on. "It's seen so many people come and admire it. I wonder … does this Sakura Tree feel anything for all those people it has watched live and die?"

"Even a heart as cold as this tree would come to feel something for someone he has watched for so long."

Subaru started. Seishirou's words, spoken almost hesitantly, as if from another place …

_… another time …_

… they struck the way a single raindrop breaks the surface of a lake.

A gentle breeze, and sakura whirling all around; Subaru watched the scene, breathless with sudden remembering—

 

_"Can you still say that you feel nothing?"_

_"For you?"_

_"… yes."_

 

—realisation—

 

_"For you … it is what a child feels for a favourite toy he cannot live without."_

 

—and hope.

 

_"You answered the question."_

 

Even the smallest chance was still a chance.

_Last time it took me so long to understand what I felt for you, Seishirou-san, and by that time, it was too late. But here, in this time, with this second chance … I already know what I feel._

Subaru relaxed ever so slightly into the weight of the hand on his shoulder.

_I do love you. I don't have to hide from that anymore.And I know, that last time, that last day … you did feel something for me._

_Can I give you that, here and now?_

_Can it be possible, that this time … I can win?_

One long second, that was all it took, for Subaru to see every memory of what would – no, could happen. Seishirou, holding him, hurting him. Hokuto with her sunny smiles, teasing him, protecting him. And people, all those people he had met over time and helped, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

But none of these had happened yet.

_Can I change the future?_

"Subaru-kun?"

The words brought Subaru's mind back to the present. Calmly, he straightened and turned to look at his companion with clear green eyes – and smiled. "Hokuto-chan's probably eating all of our picnic," Subaru said. "We'd better hurry back."

Deliberately, Subaru reached up to take hold of Seishirou's hand still hovering lightly at his back. He took a step, gently pulling Seishirou with him. There was a startled flash in the amber-gold eyes, and Subaru took note of that, even as he wondered at his forwardness and the heady delight he took in such an action. Firmly, he led Seishirou away from the Sakura Tree to where Hokuto was waiting for them.

_I will play the game again._

_And this time, I play to win._

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic in the year 2000, before CLAMP had released the Rainbow Bridge chapters of the X manga, hence the rather different take on the Final Day and the fate of the characters. And yes, that is a /very/ long time to have been working on this story.


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